Blank.

There is nothing as scary as knowing that something you love can be taken away from you so fast, even if it took you so long to build that relationship up. the internet is sketchy, so i'm promising to be vague. but let me tell you all I can.
I'm a pessimist. Nothing is ever okay. I see myself as nothing, and I give off the vibe that I have it all together, but I never do. Never. The future is blank to me, and my past is nothing but bad memories. But even though I see myself as that, I have never, ever thought that I couldn't change. Ever. I've never seen no hope for myself, even if I've said that, I've never really believed it. I've also never not had the spirit with me, and i've never questioned my testimony in the Church. So why is it that somebody who has such a brighter future, and so much more to live for, feels the same way?
I was sitting with my friend, and we both talked about how we feel the same way about life sometimes. About how we both feel so worthless, and we are just exhausted, all the time. And then things went quiet, and I looked at her. and I said,

"you know what's funny, i'm looking at you, and wondering, fully, why you would EVER feel that way about yourself, when I see you so differently. And i'm sure you're looking at me thinking the same thing."

It's safe to say she was. Why is it that as humans, it's so much easier to look at the bad then the good. Why is it that we refuse to let ourselves be happy. Why is it that something can trigger you so fast, and you get so angry, that you see absolutely nothing worth it anymore. But let me tell you something, whoever you are reading this. (whoever has nothing better to do.) There is something worth living for. A couple days ago I thought that I was going to lose something so important to me, so crucial to my living, and for a moment, I found absolutely nothing in my life worth looking for. Time froze. And everything was in slow motion. My anxiety has been at a maximum, I don't sleep, and i'm constantly worried. But let me tell you, you're worth it. You are. It's sad that it took something like this, to get all of us together, and spending time. so don't take advantage of the time you have with your friends, and family. because it can be taken away just as fast.


Never do that to me again, because I need you. You're my rock.



"The geat blessing of mankind are within us and within our reach; but we shut our eyes, and like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for, without finding it."
Seneca